ThrowBack: Master Worlds 2022
My very first IBJJF event was actually Master Worlds 2022, last year. It was the first tournament I had done since white belt. Right now, I’m prepping for Master Worlds again. Here is the post I made last year covering my experience at my first IBJJF event.
September 3, 2022
I don't say this often but I'm proud of myself. I hit a huge milestone. My goals were simple: show up healthy and make weight. My team believed I could do even more and win, but unfortunately I didn't deliver on that one this time. I lost 18lbs over the last several months and weighed in 2lbs under my weight class. I worked twice a week with OWL High Performance to do weight training which put protective muscle on and it has made me much less fragile. I had weekly massages with Sasquatch Massage in Bothell to give my body the best chance at recovery. I trained with my professors and teammates and had a game plan. I've been back on the mats almost 1.5 years after major surgeries and just wanted to prove to myself that I could step up to the biggest stage in my bjj journey and try. That's what I did.
I had another breast biopsy 1 week before this competition. It required 4 days off to recover and I stepped on the mats with my breast still bandaged. Luckily, it wasn't cancer this time (woot! woot!). Instead of getting frustrated that I lost vital prep days, I focused on the gift of rest I was able to give my body.
I also had a secret goal: to not have an anxiety attack. The last time I competed was about 5 years ago as a white belt. I had an anxiety attack the night before. It came out of nowhere and at the time I didn't know what it was. I competed with no issues but shortly after found myself feeling anxious all of the time. It made it hard to function. I stopped going to work and couldn't get out of a constant state of fight or flight. I tried therapist, EMDR therapy, soul retrieval with a shaman and they were all insightful and I enjoyed what I got from all of them. The single biggest factor to my recovery was Endo's dedication to talking to me, for often hours, about being accountable for my mind. Learning to believe I was in control of my feelings. Basically the Gom Jabbar test for Dune fans. The fear litany literally became a matra for me during tough times. I've been almost entirely free of anxiety for the last 4 years, but without any huge tests. Competing at Master Worlds has been the big test I wanted for my mental toughness. I had plans for if my heart started to race, if my hands started to shake. I didn't need any of it. I didn't think I could ever be this calm at a competition. I slept great the night before. I reminded myself I've sparred hundreds of times and this wasn't much different. And I had fun.
I didn't do particularly well at the bjj part. But I executed on a game plan the best I could, I felt loved and supported by my family and teammates, and I proved that all the set backs I've had, weren't really set backs because I am stronger than I would have ever been without those challenges. The biggest thank you to Endo Whywolf for his belief and support. It was a dream come true doing this competition together. BJJ is awesome and I hope to be good at it one day.
